Thread:KJ8/@comment-29694704-20160912033930/@comment-27990581-20160913080801

@Ef and @Misti, thank you. My son is still in bedn'...we haven't slept much. Hope he gets better soon.

@Marie, I don't have a lot of time, so I'll be short. I can't write you his name. Remember about that card? He had cards in his pocket. Only black cards, red ones were missing. He was quit a magician with cards. I'm so mad at myself because I forgot the tricks he showed me. I didn't destroy the picture...I couldn't. It's a picture I printed after he was gone, added postscript, but I had to remove it, because it was hurting us - me and my son - too much. My son started going to a therapist and she suggested I "hide" it for a while.

Now to escitalopram. It's bad, hard, but I'll get through this 3 weeks - I WILL! I didn't call my doctor, because she told me about these side effects and said they are present for 2 - 4 weeks and that these pills start working after 3 weeks. Day 1 (Saturday): dry mouth, sleepiness, headache, feeling drunk and high, dizziness, light-headedness, ringing in ears, vertigo, laughing (for no reason and with worst timing). Day2 (Sunday): dizziness, sadness, light-headedness, ringing in ears, headache, nausea, sick all the time (feeling I will throw up any second, but didn't), NO sleep, sweating like crazy, restlessness, anxiety, angry. Day 3 (Monday): hands shaking, dizziness, light-headedness, ringing in ears, headache, nausea, sleepiness, hot, anxiety, sleeping only for short periods of time, restlessness, anger. Since I started taking this pills, I can't stop thinking about him, his words, his voice, his moves, I see him in font of me, I see him...I just can't get him out of my mind. I'm doing one thing and just start thinking about him for "ages". He's just here all the time. I was always thinking about him, of course, but these last days, I can't turn him off. It's like he's waiting...and I would like to go with him, but I don't want to, I have to be here. For my little fellow. Sometimes I would just like to...no, no, no. I was selfharming for 10 years (15-26), I'm not goging back there, I didn't go back there when it happened and I won't go back there now. I stopped the second I found out I was pregnant. No, not an option. Haven't took the pill yet today, but my head hurts like it's going to explode. So sleepy. I'll take it in the afternoon or evening, can't take them in the mornings, because I can't go in the car like this. 19 more days to go. I'm talking half for the first six days.

That wasn't short.