Thread:KJ8/@comment-29713891-20160905143153/@comment-27990581-20160909103748

Thanks, Dawnia. "Breathing test" (measurement of volume and speed of breath-out-air) didn't give good results, it looks like there's some kind of obstruction, but that could be a consequence of inflammation for which I got antibiotics. So I'm seeing my pulmonologist next Thursday (another breathing test and whatever he says) and then I'm going back to my doctor on Friday.

I also got...well sh** this is hard to write...antidepressants. I never had them, I also have a very bad opinion of them and now I really don't know what to do. Take them or not. It's getting worse, you know. There are some past "situations" that are cathching up with me. Everything's worse since I had that almost-dead-experiance, there are these feelings of anxiety, uneasiness. I'm so mentally "exhausted", down. I shut so many things in little drawers inside me and with all these physical problems it feels like they're openning without my consciousness and suffocating me. When I was in hospital in April the doctor told me I can't cry or gasp or anything like that, because it wasn't good for my lungs. So I didn't dare to think about my friend. Or anything else. But now... Ugly divorce in the end of 2013. I still haven't deal with all of that. I have to take care of my son. There isn't any sadness about that, but there is a lot of anger. And last year... My nephew, my godson, my best friend who was like a son to me...in March he tried to commit suicide. We saved him. But in November he repeated it and...he's gone. I still didn't get over him trying, let alone him succeeding. I don't even know if I wanna talk about it or not. It hurts so much, so much and I'm so sad, so angry. I just want him back, that's all. And - believe it or not - I'm still after 10 months waiting for his call, mail,..., but it never comes. And now I'm supposed to take pills that didn't help him? I hate them, they made him... I don't know, I just don't.