Thread:Dustang/@comment-29954643-20180210070836/@comment-75.81.48.32-20180212001939

MFB, we both hurt each other. We both were upset with upset with each other about our posts to each other and to others. I know the mutual friend you reference, and she and I had been close. She had even been upset with a reply you and another made to one of her posts, and shared that with me as friends vent as they do. She's not been the only one. For some reason she must be upset with me, and I'm sure I'm in the wrong and have not emailed her in respect of that. So my apologies to her; I never expect to hear from her.

When the incident occurred, she -- more maturely than I ever was -- reached out to you, and you are now good friends. When I am hurt, I tend to withdraw -- and I know that hurts people even more but as a former abused child that's what I do to protect myself. I am sorry I hurt you, and understand because I got hurt, too...but that's my issue and not yours.

Did I vented offsite with friends about this place including you? Yes. I'm sure people vented about me, and I get that. It's keeps crap off the wiki...but sometimes doesn't clear the air either. I get intimidated by you sometimes, I fear confrontation, and just want harmony...but stupidly and usually unwittingly add to the mess. Did I "campaign" against you? No. For one thing, we have several friends in common here, and it would be pointless to do so. Did I say mean things? Yes. I can be a hurtful, spiteful b when I feel hurt or threatened. I am sorry.

Have I deserved every possibly-negatively-perceived thing you ever thought, felt, said or posted about me? You betcha. I too often see myself as my mother saw me -- unwanted, worthless, inept, better off dead -- literally. I try to get past it, but it also guides me to try to be a person of some value, who deserves to be on this earth. I have an intense need to belong. I thought I belonged on the wiki, but realized I do not. I left. But it seems my actions continue to have an impact on you and in turn the wiki. I am so sorry for that so please brush me off as one who was wrong and not worth your emotional investment. Please do that for yourself.

This may not mean much to you at this point, but it is sincere and heartfelt. I really never want anyone to be hurt on my account; I've lived with that feeling for almost 60 years. No one deserves that.

Be well, be happy and enjoy all that is good in life. You and everyone deserve that.

Pamster