Thread:4solace/@comment-28482541-20180312042002



I want to thank everyone who reached out with such kind words and comfort to me and my family through our loss of our beloved Simba. I also want to thank everyone for their patience while I dealt with these real life issues before diving into admin duties.

This has been extremely hard. I knew it would hit my daughter hard. I have had to set my own grief aside to help her deal with hers. This is her first major loss and it has devastated her. That first night she woke up at 2am and could not catch her breath from sobbing so hard. Deep, gut wrenching sobs and howls. They were coming from way down deep from the marrow of her bones. I had to walk her through some breathing exercises before she was even able to speak. She could barely choke out the question, “What is happening to me? My hands and toes are numb.” This is grief. This is pain. And I cannot not make it go away, but I can ride it with her and give comfort and support. This is way up there on the hardest part of parenting list.

It comes in waves. For all of us, but especially her. She simply could not face going in her own bedroom alone. Simba was always there. Guarding her sleep. Helping with homework. Brushing teeth. Going to bed. Getting up. He was woven into the very fabric of our family and days, but especially hers. The first night she ended up in my bed and the second in her bean bag bed in the middle of the living room.

So my husband and I decided maybe we should adopt another sooner rather than waiting. She liked the idea. So Friday we went by the shelter after school. We adopted a 6 month old male kitten she picked and has named Emmett. He is completely different in look, size, and personality wise, which is good as we can never replace Simba.

Despite her excitement over the new kitty, she still had some overwhelming crying jags and was worried about Emmett. He tried to comfort her and I saw a little light creep in at that. Slowly she began to work with him and soon was playing heartedly with him and laughing. She then became concerned that that was not okay. We have had many conversations about grief and the many ways it can present itself as well as everyone has their own process and way of dealing. And having and enjoying Emmett in no way takes away from the grief or love of Simba. It is even okay if you do not feel the same way about Emmett, he can just be different, and you will love him in his own special way. Grief takes time and sometimes is always with you, but it will get easier to bear and you will eventually be able to remember and smile at the memories instead of cry.

In the meantime, she has a new focus and has been able to enter her bedroom again. Last night she actually slept in her bed, with Emmett. Today she loved on him, played with him, and napped with him. She still had moments and will for awhile, but there is some light in the darkness now.

 